Author: mikkoT

Civil servants working under the Thatcher government in Whitehall drew up plans to track down Nessie the Loch Ness Monster with dolphins. New documents released under the Freedom of Information Act reveal that the truth is stranger than fiction!

From today’s Sunday Times: “Now declassified government files, released under the Freedom of Information Act, reveal that the government was prepared to incur the wrath of animal rights groups in its quest to establish the truth about the monster. 

This was reported in The Times.

from all of us at Nessie’s official Loch Ness research project, Nessie on the Net!

From all of us here at Nessie on the Net’s Loch Ness research team!!!

In a terrible echo of 911 and the 7/7 bombings Inverness Airport became the latest place to be involved in a full scale terrorist alert. A man carrying a bag with a fluffy Nessie in it claimed it was a bomb. The easyJet flight at Inverness was stormed by armed police and the man was taken into custody…Read more in the Daily Record.

This website hopes the idiot involved is given jail time and sued by the airline for the £25,000 they reportedly lost. We’d also encourage every other passenger who lost money to sue him as well. Flying is nerve wracking enough without these fools.

It’s bigger than King Kong and Godzilla and more scary than the White Witch of Narnia. Read all about Nessie the Loch Ness Monster’s battle against the evil Pylon Monsters here.

Nessie the Loch Ness Monster’s beautiful home is attack from terrible huge steel mega-pylons and 400,000 volt power lines. It will all be buried under concrete and metal and it will be as ugly as hell. Read about it here and come and join the protest march this Saturday, 10th December (gather between 12-1pm at Phipps hall, Beauly). There will be hot chocolate provided afterwards!!!

Leading Loch Ness Monster researcher and project leader Professor Kettle will begin tests on the suitability of Tamiflu as a treatment for the aging Scottish plesiosaur.

He is concerned that the large number of cases of H5N1 in the United Kingdom (at least 50 infected finches and other birds) means that it is only a matter of time until the virus enters the fragile eco system that has been home to Nessie for several million years.

Dinosaurs share a great deal of DNA with today’s birds so it is more than likely that a plesiosaur will fall victim to the coming pandemic. If this happens, Tamiflu may be Nessie’s only chance to survive.

Here at the Loch Ness project offices we send formal condolences to the murdered little sparrow’s family in Holland. We condemn the profit seekers who caused this tragedy. Shame on them. We will put links to this memorial onto our livecam page on Saturday to shame the TV producers that aided this heinous act against the little innocent bird.

For those of you who haven’t seen the story, they are trying to break a record for toppling dominos in Holland. 4 million in one go. But somebody left a window open and a poor little sparrow flew in and panicked, knocking over 23,000 dominos. So they shot and killed it. 

Just when we all thought there was only one old plesiosaur left in the world, news has arrived of Nessie’s relative in China. Kanasi Huguai lives in Lake Kanasi. This beautiful and remote lake is 200,000 years old, about 15 miles long and a mile wide. It is over 4,000 feet up in the Kanasi nature reserve in Xinjiang’s northernmost tip, where China, Mongolia, Russia and Kazakhstan come together in snow peaked mountains. The lake is about 50 metres (150 feet) less deep than Loch Ness.

Leading Loch Ness project leader Professor Plume has said that he is “very excited” by the news and will be speaking to Chinese academics and colleagues about the monster very soon. It is understood that an official request for his help and expertise may be made. The professor, a world-leading volcanologist and cryptozoologist, is particularly keen to discover the processes that have allowed plesiosaurs to reach a high mountain lake, where tunnels linking it to the sea (such as those that exist at Loch Ness) seem impossible.

This website is calling upon the Loch Ness coastguard to enforce a ban on throwing chickens into Loch Ness and to take action to prevent “egg-baiting”, a common activity amongst visiting monster hunters.

An egg-baiter is a device constructed from wood, fishing line and lead shot. Several raw eggs in which small holes have been drilled are attached and the whole rig moored just off shore in the loch. The eggs float just below the service and slowly release their contents into the water,

attracting the plesiosaur and eel populations. 

Normally egg baiting presents no danger to Loch Ness or Nessie, her monster (although the lead shot has caused some concerns in the past) but the EU has just warned that raw eggs and chicken may pass on fatal avian H5N1 flu to humans and it is already known that dinosaurs are closely related to their avian cousins (see below).

These are very worrying times at Loch Ness and so far the authorities appear to have behaved appallingly slowly.