Author: mikkoT

by Mikko on Sat 17 Apr 2010 09:37 BST

Highly abrasive ash from Iceland’s Eyjafjallajokull (ay-yah-FYAH’-plah-yer-kuh-duhl) volcano has closed airspace over Loch Ness, the rest of the United Kingdom and much of Europe and Scandinavia for a third day. Reports say this could go on well into next week so if you have travel plans it looks like you are well and truly stuck. Travellers should take a lot of food and sleeping bags to the airports and prepare for a long spell of uncertain and dreary misery.

The ash cloud has descended to a few thousand feet above sea level and any exposure to it can cause a jet engine to fail catastrophically sending the plane plummeting to the ground with all on board.

Cryptozoologist Professor Kettle, based at his Loch Ness project, is characteristically sanguine: “this could be worse. We can safely put boats and probes out on the water and a few of my international colleagues have managed to arrive on the twelve hour coach ride from London”.

Dr Pott also welcomed the opportunities for cryptid hunting provided by the silent sky: “normally our advanced hydrophone arrays suffer terribly from the whoosh of RAF fighter planes on test flights over Loch Ness and even the Flybe and Easyjet planes travelling to and from Inverness can clearly be heard within the loch. Cryptozoology reies on sensitive equipment and measurements so this is a rare opportunity to listen for Nessie, the Loch Ness monster, within a comparatively silent loch.

by Mikko on Wed 14 Apr 2010 09:52 BST

On Tuesday Drumnadrchit’s school played host to Jacobite Cruisers and its team of architects and engineers as they presented their plans for an exciting new harbour complex by Loch Ness.

It was clear from the display and through speaking to the representatives that a great deal of thought and professionalism has gone into creating the new terminal and pier. It will be a very carefully landscaped building with car parking and pick nick areas in the surrounding forest and will tie up with the Great Glen Way.

Of prime concern to many is that the new exhibition is not just another tartan tat or Nessie emporium as we have plenty of those already (and I suggest visitors save their money and avoid them). Assurances were given that the new centre will offer an interesting exhibition about the natural history of the area around Loch Ness and will not deal with cryptozoology or Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster (a crytid living in the loch). It will also feature environmentally friendly systems such as heat pumps which will extract heat from the loch to heat the new premsises and modern sewage treatment systems etc.

The architect told us that, while it won’t be a zero carbon structure, their aim is to make it as close to zero as possible.

Worryingly, another proposal for a harbour has been thrown into the ring as the owners of the Loch Ness 2000 exhibition (or whatever they call it now) in Drumnadrochit have said they want to build a harbour and stuff some 800 yards from this new development. A prime concern here has to be the use to which this second new centre would be put as the company’s existing exhibition is, in my opinion, extremely dull and boring having been put together by a formally unqualified naturalist who seems to want to dissuade people from believing that Nessie exists. It also contains a huge variety of tacky fluffy Nessies for sale and other tourist “souvenirs”. This area certainly doesn’t need yet another outlet like that, nor does it need two harbours just 800 yards apart on a busy, fast and dangerous road, and I believe Highland Council should back Jacobite’s sensible and high quality addition to the area and steer clear of any new Nessie emporiums.

We will keep a close eye on what’s brewing by Loch Ness and use our best efforts to ensure that only the right plan goes ahead and, in my opinion, that is the Jacobite Cruisers plan. Watch this space…

Jacobite Cruisers plans for the Loch Ness harbour are online here. They are welll worth a look.

by Mikko on Mon 12 Apr 2010 21:06 BST

Saturday was an exciting day for Professor Kettle’s Loch Ness project as the team were able to test the latest enhancements to their hydrophonic detection array and early results were encouraging. We hope to have a copy of the sounds they discovered available here very shortly and we expect a considerable improvement on the previous recordings (listen here).

Professor Kettle explained about some of the problems his team faces: “Nessie is an unknown cryptid and for that reason we don’t yet know which range of acoustic frequencies she may emit, either through diving or by communication with other creatures. Therefore we have to scan through a broad range and that’s both difficult and time consuming.”

The depth of Loch Ness is another challenge. “The cable connecting our arrays is over a kilometer long so we need multiple signal amplifiers in addition to the hydrophones themselves. The tremendous weight causes us many problems and we often suffer equipment breakage”.

Despite the challenges the team is convinced it is getting the results the world wants. Dr. Pott said, “we are hearing things never heard before and as we analyse what we’ve got I’m pretty sure it will greatly assist identification of the Loch Ness Monster”.

by Mikko on Fri 09 Apr 2010 20:10 BST

Organisations including the BBC fell for an elaborate April Fools prank last week and, according to the Highland News, even emeritus professor of chemistry and science studies at Virginia State University in the USA, Professor Henry H Bauer was caught out.

The spoof story cited plans for a new floating sea plane terminal on Loch Ness designed by Italian designer, Rolf Lapio and objections from a pressure group called “Flights Off Our Loch”. The people taken in by it all failed to notice it was April the first and that Rolf Lapio is an anagram of “April Fool”. Also the pressure groups initials read FOOL.

All good fun but Professor Kettle spoke of his concerns from his Loch Ness project. He said, “I can see the humour here but serious research into the cryptozoology of this loch continues and we cannot be sidetracked from our search for the world’s most elusive cryptid”.

Dr Pott remarked that he was concerned that the public might take Nessie as a joke. “The monster is real and we are getting close to final proof”.

by Mikko on Tue 06 Apr 2010 13:16 BST

The Loch Ness Monster is once again in peril as the failed hydro electric plant at Glendoe is to be repaired. It’s Europe’s largest power generating system of its kind (water is pumped in tunnels buried deep underground to take water from a reservoir in the Monadliath mountains to massive turbines by Loch Ness and back again).

The queen officially opened the scheme last year but it suffered a catastrophic failure just a few weeks later when a massive rockfall blocked the subterranean tunnel. It’s been closed ever since but now two more by-pass tunnels are to be dug and it may restart operations next year.

Professor Kettle, speaking from his Loch Ness project, said “we are very concerned. Both the massive drilling machine and the huge turbines make a humming sound and vibrations that may affect our elusive cryptid in the loch. We will be monitoring the situation very closely. Nessie is protected by an official Act of Parliament and must be protected”.

by Mikko on Fri 26 Mar 2010 21:14 GMT

Shock and outrage has been expressed by many people living and working around Loch Ness as news broke today that the charcoal drawing by Dutch artist Maurits Cornelis Escher maybe nothing more than an audacious international art “scam”.

Certain art punters have dubbed the work as the “Loch Ness monster and black man without a face” but the managing director of the company that licences all of the artist’s work is dismissive. Mark Veldhusen, managing director of the MC Escher Company B.V. of Baarn in the Netherlands, told The Highland News that “no-one had ever contacted his company or M.C. Escher Foundation which promotes Escher’s work about the ‘so-called piece of art'”.

“This drawing is not made by M.C. Escher and the signature on the back does not belong to Mr. Escher” he added.

Professor Kettle, in charge of his Loch Ness project said, “it’s very distressing to learn that some people may be behind a scam or attempt to mis-lead people about the elusive Loch Ness Monster. Nessie is a real cryptozoological beast (cryptid) and serious research to find her continues. We will not be sidetracked by this tittle tattle”.

by Mikko on Fri 26 Mar 2010 09:17 GMT

Hard on the heals of Flybe’s termination of the essential Inverness – Edinburgh flights and national UK rail strikes set to start on 6th April, the Highlands has been left reeling by the collapse of Highland Airways. Serving Benbecula, Coll, Colonsay, Inverness, Oban, Stornoway and Tiree, the loss of this airline leaves a gaping hole in the Scottish Highlands and Islands.

Speaking from his Loch Ness project base, Professor Kettle said, “we’re getting really concerned. Colleagues and essential supplies for our research are finding it difficult to get here. There is every chance that our attempts to find Nessie will be scuppered if problems carry on escalating”.

by Mikko on Mon 22 Mar 2010 10:32 GMT

by Mikko on Sun 21 Mar 2010 09:52 GMT

The Inverness Courier asked its readers “Does Inverness deserve its nomination as an architectural “carbuncle”? and so far 69% have voted yes! This comes after millions have been wasted on a scheme called Inverness Streetscape and must call into question the whole mechanism whereby decisions about the once beautiful old city are made.

Put in a nutshell, the streetscape scheme is a disgraceful flop that is now hated by many and £1 million over budget and its not even finished. In fact, thousands of £s more were also wasted on “street art” whereby graffiti artists were invited to spray rubbish of any kind onto the walls of vacant retail units. Some was vandalised or even used as open toilets by people leaving pubs and clubs.

Apart from voting themselves ever bigger living allowances and magnificent – and free – three course lunches (available to councillors everyday) the people elected to look after this area really don’t seem to know or care what goes on.