Author: mikkoT

Wind disaster hits Loch Ness region

by Mikko on Sun 05 Sep 2010 06:51 BST

Millions of pounds are being poured into “wind farms” around Loch Ness but wind has dropped off; last winter saw three months of severe cold weather but absolutely no wind – just when it’s energy was most needed.

Professor Kettle believes that the entire wind energy strategy should be scrapped: “We have dependable tidal power so harness that, for the stupid ugly wind turbines”. The professor is usually right and is also worried that Nessie, The Loch Ness Monster, will be harmed. “The wind turbines physically smash up our treasured birds like Golden Eagles but the vibrations they put into the soil may also upset cryptids like the Loch Ness Monster”.

New Loch Ness Live Cam!

by Mikko on Sun 25 Jul 2010 07:07 BST

Well folks, the new and fantastic quality state-of-the-art Loch Ness Monster webcam has now gone live! Hooray!

The view is not correct yet (ed’s note – it’s fine now since we adjusted it) – as unfortunately rain interrupted the final adjustments – but we hope that today (Sunday) will bring some more dry weather and then you will have a full screen view of a vast panoramic chunk of Loch Ness. You can see our current test shots live via our officially original Loch Ness Webcam.

This is all just the start – there is a lot more coming online in our ongoing search for Nessie, the elusive cryptid. With your help from around the world and millions of eyes watching, we might just find her! Stay tuned and keep watching as our new program and new adventure rapidly builds up.

To Nessie fans and cryptozoologists everywhere – we urge you to join the search.

Lancaster Bomber flight over Loch Ness grounded by volcanic ash

by Mikko on Sun 16 May 2010 15:58 BST
News has just come in that a flight over Loch Ness by a Lancaster Bomber has been grounded due to volcanic ash from Iceland. The flight, due to arrive from Manchester, had been part of plans to commemorate the crash of a WWII bomber in Loch Ness, the remains of which remain 750 feet (250 metres) beneath the waves.

Divers who have entered the deep waters near the crashed site have often surfaced white faced and trembling with fear having seen or felt a strange presence in the water.

Eminent cryptozoologist Professor Kettle believes that what they saw or felt is in fact the cryptid Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster. Speaking from his project HQ he said, “I am very disappointed that the Lancaster Bomber has not been able to make its flight as I was looking forward to an extraordinary day, but I am certain that others in the field of cryptozoology agree with my view that anything strange in the loch is in fact a surviving plesiosaur”.

He continued, “others have strange beliefs including some who think that Elvis Presley and Maralyn Monroe live on the crashed bomber – trapped in some kind of time warp or other dimension – but I think we can safely discount such tittle tattle”.

More about a Lancaster Bomber here.

Loch Ness Monster sightings – the latest news

by Mikko on Wed 28 Apr 2010 09:28 BST
The latest list of sightings of the cryptid Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster, have been declassified and placed online here.

World leading cryptozoologist Professor Kettle commented, “this latest information confirms that sightings are markedly down since Kevin Carlyon, High Priest of British White Witches, visited the loch and placed a spell protecting Nessie from people out to get her.”

“We haven’t got the resources available to analyse Kevin’s impact but we are definitely aware of a more elusive monster in these waters”.

A member of the British Institute of Cryptozoology and Advanced Pseudo Sciences was unavailable for comment.

Loch Ness experts “unmoved” by release of official monster documents

by Mikko on Tue 27 Apr 2010 09:32 BST

Cryptozoologist Professor Kettle has been carrying out an exhaustive search for Nessie, the Loch Ness monster, for the last two decades. He spoke from his Loch Ness project headquarters and said he was “unmoved” by the release of a letter from a former Chief Constable of Police of Inverness-shire Constabulary.

In the letter dated 15th August, 1938 William Fraser makes clear his belief in a “strange fish” in the loch that needs protecting.

“One has to wonder why there was a need for police involvement when it is quite obvious that the plesiosaur population in Loch Ness has survived for millions of years before mankind even existed”.

He added, “I can see there was concern that two people from London – a Mr Kent and a Miss Stirling – wanted to catch the monster ‘dead or alive’ with a harpoon gun but today we are carrying out a passive and careful search with no intention of harming Nessie. The last time I can remember an apparently odd ball search for Nessie was when Swedish monster hunter Jan Sundberg mounted an expedition to find the cryptid in 2000 and was warned by police here not to harm the monster”.

The Chief Constable’s letter can be seen in The National Archives of Scotland.

Loch Ness Monster Lay By Shocker rocks cryptozoology

by Mikko on Fri 23 Apr 2010 22:13 BST

This is the scene (click the attachments link below) that greets visitors and cryptozoologists as they drive to Loch Ness from Inverness. It’s the first lay by that gives a view of the water but it’s all be fenced off because it’s collapsing into the water.

Professor Kettle lashed out from his Loch Ness project: “We need this lay by to be re-opened and re-opened fast so that we get the best possible chance of spotting the unknown monster (or cryptid) living in Loch Ness”.

UK airspace remains mainly closed as Loch Ness monster chaos engulfs region

by Mikko on Tue 20 Apr 2010 09:30 BST
Six days later and Europe is still isolated as British airspace remains closed.

Yes, six days on and Loch Ness is still locked within the UK no fly zone. Limited flights have taken off from Glasgow and Edinburgh but most of the country, including London, remains tightly closed.

“The fear now is that a second bigger volcano will blow”, said eminent cryptozoologist Professor Kettle, “if it goes – and it always has before – then we could see cryptozoology seriously damaged and the hunt for Nessie, the cryptid will likewise suffer”.

The professor has been waiting to launch a group of small planes equipped with the latest air borne sonar equipment developed by NASA but has been refused permission to fly by the authorities. Visibly distressed he said, “this is a disaster because we were lent this fantastic equipment for a short period which has now expired. It might have been the moment we conclusively proved to the whole world that the Loch Ness Monster actually exists and now that moment has gone”.

The Scottish Tourist board was unavailable for comment but is understood to be concerned that hundreds of thousands of visitors maybe stranded as the travel chaos continues.

Anybody trying to reach Scotland or other parts of the UK should check with their airline and departure airport as things are so bad now that the BBC reports that the British Navy is rescuing Brits from France and Spain – many starving and suffering extreme trauma. A sailor on board HMS Ark Royal said, “these people have been in France and Spain for a week more than they planned. They are in a very sorry state and in need of urgent medical attention and psychiatric counselling after their gruelling and horrific time abroad”.

Third day of chaos as Loch Ness airspace remains closed

by Mikko on Sat 17 Apr 2010 09:37 BST
Highly abrasive ash from Iceland’s Eyjafjallajokull (ay-yah-FYAH’-plah-yer-kuh-duhl) volcano has closed airspace over Loch Ness, the rest of the United Kingdom and much of Europe and Scandinavia for a third day. Reports say this could go on well into next week so if you have travel plans it looks like you are well and truly stuck. Travellers should take a lot of food and sleeping bags to the airports and prepare for a long spell of uncertain and dreary misery.

The ash cloud has descended to a few thousand feet above sea level and any exposure to it can cause a jet engine to fail catastrophically sending the plane plummeting to the ground with all on board.

Cryptozoologist Professor Kettle, based at his Loch Ness project, is characteristically sanguine: “this could be worse. We can safely put boats and probes out on the water and a few of my international colleagues have managed to arrive on the twelve hour coach ride from London”.

Dr Pott also welcomed the opportunities for cryptid hunting provided by the silent sky: “normally our advanced hydrophone arrays suffer terribly from the whoosh of RAF fighter planes on test flights over Loch Ness and even the Flybe and Easyjet planes travelling to and from Inverness can clearly be heard within the loch. Cryptozoology reies on sensitive equipment and measurements so this is a rare opportunity to listen for Nessie, the Loch Ness monster, within a comparatively silent loch.