The Officially Original Loch Ness Monster Blog

by Mikko on Fri 16 Apr 2010 09:30 BST

UK airspace remains closed until Saturday at the earliest due to the volcano in Iceland which is still erupting. So if you are travelling to or from the Scottish Highlands (to see Nessie, the cryptid Loch Ness Monster) then unfortunately you are stuck. Effectively Europe and the rest of the world now remains isolated from Britain.

People are advised to check with their airline and the the BBC News website.

Professor Kettle reports serious problems with cryptozoology. “Many colleagues were due to arrive here from overseas to help with our research project and all of that is on hold. We are also very worried that the ash falling from the skies is highly acidic and may harm the aquatic life including Nessie”.

“People from the Shetland Isles are already reporting volcanic ash from the eruption in their mouths and lungs and a sulphur smell in the air so we are expecting trouble soon”, he added.

Dr Pott is concerned that the long dormant super volcano beneath Loch Ness could now erupt. “We are monitoring the seismographs very closely because if this volcano erupts it will blow apart half of the Highlands and could create a twenty year winter across the northern hemisphere triggering a new Ice Age”.

by Mikko on Thu 15 Apr 2010 10:29 BST

UK Air Traffic Control has announced that UK air space will be closed to all flights from 12 noon (GMT) 15th April until further notice. No planes will be allowed to take off within the UK or to enter UK air space due to the massive volcanic eruption in Iceland.

If you are flying to or from the UK, including the Loch Ness area you are strongly advised to check with your airline and your airport.

Cryptozoological research in Nessie, the elusive cryptid here, is suspended until the ash alert clears. Keep watching here for further updates.

UK airspace closure news atL: http://news.bbc.co.uk/

by Mikko on Wed 14 Apr 2010 09:52 BST

On Tuesday Drumnadrchit’s school played host to Jacobite Cruisers and its team of architects and engineers as they presented their plans for an exciting new harbour complex by Loch Ness.

It was clear from the display and through speaking to the representatives that a great deal of thought and professionalism has gone into creating the new terminal and pier. It will be a very carefully landscaped building with car parking and pick nick areas in the surrounding forest and will tie up with the Great Glen Way.

Of prime concern to many is that the new exhibition is not just another tartan tat or Nessie emporium as we have plenty of those already (and I suggest visitors save their money and avoid them). Assurances were given that the new centre will offer an interesting exhibition about the natural history of the area around Loch Ness and will not deal with cryptozoology or Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster (a crytid living in the loch). It will also feature environmentally friendly systems such as heat pumps which will extract heat from the loch to heat the new premsises and modern sewage treatment systems etc.

The architect told us that, while it won’t be a zero carbon structure, their aim is to make it as close to zero as possible.

Worryingly, another proposal for a harbour has been thrown into the ring as the owners of the Loch Ness 2000 exhibition (or whatever they call it now) in Drumnadrochit have said they want to build a harbour and stuff some 800 yards from this new development. A prime concern here has to be the use to which this second new centre would be put as the company’s existing exhibition is, in my opinion, extremely dull and boring having been put together by a formally unqualified naturalist who seems to want to dissuade people from believing that Nessie exists. It also contains a huge variety of tacky fluffy Nessies for sale and other tourist “souvenirs”. This area certainly doesn’t need yet another outlet like that, nor does it need two harbours just 800 yards apart on a busy, fast and dangerous road, and I believe Highland Council should back Jacobite’s sensible and high quality addition to the area and steer clear of any new Nessie emporiums.

We will keep a close eye on what’s brewing by Loch Ness and use our best efforts to ensure that only the right plan goes ahead and, in my opinion, that is the Jacobite Cruisers plan. Watch this space…

Jacobite Cruisers plans for the Loch Ness harbour are online here. They are welll worth a look.

by Mikko on Mon 12 Apr 2010 21:06 BST

Saturday was an exciting day for Professor Kettle’s Loch Ness project as the team were able to test the latest enhancements to their hydrophonic detection array and early results were encouraging. We hope to have a copy of the sounds they discovered available here very shortly and we expect a considerable improvement on the previous recordings (listen here).

Professor Kettle explained about some of the problems his team faces: “Nessie is an unknown cryptid and for that reason we don’t yet know which range of acoustic frequencies she may emit, either through diving or by communication with other creatures. Therefore we have to scan through a broad range and that’s both difficult and time consuming.”

The depth of Loch Ness is another challenge. “The cable connecting our arrays is over a kilometer long so we need multiple signal amplifiers in addition to the hydrophones themselves. The tremendous weight causes us many problems and we often suffer equipment breakage”.

Despite the challenges the team is convinced it is getting the results the world wants. Dr. Pott said, “we are hearing things never heard before and as we analyse what we’ve got I’m pretty sure it will greatly assist identification of the Loch Ness Monster”.

by Mikko on Sun 11 Apr 2010 22:02 BST

High temperatures and glorious sunshine continued throughout Sunday as Loch Ness enjoyed warmer weather than London and the med. The temperature hit 20 Celsius (70 Farenheit). The good weather is set to continue all week so it’s a fine time for spotting Nessie.

Check out Loch Ness weather here. Tomorrow Professor Kettle will be updating us with the latest cryptozoological research from his loch-side location. It is hoped that the warm spell will encourage the beast to make one of her rare appearances.

by Mikko on Sat 10 Apr 2010 21:34 BST

The area around Loch Ness enjoyed the sunniest hottest day of the year so far today with temperatures reaching 16 – 17 Celsius (61 – 65 Fahrenheit). Sadly nobody saw Nessie the monster sunbathing but, with good weather predicted for the next few days, Professor Kettle and his Loch Ness project will be out on the water carrying out photo and sonar scans to try to find the cryptid.

He professor said, “we believe that Nessie is a plesiosaur type creature so warm/hot weather is likely to bring her to the surface of the loch. We also look towards the many visitors to the area – both on the shore and out on the water – to keep their eyes peeled for the beast and to alert us immediately of any sightings.”

“Finding Nessie would be a sensation in the world of cryptozoology and beyond”, he added.

by Mikko on Fri 09 Apr 2010 20:10 BST

Organisations including the BBC fell for an elaborate April Fools prank last week and, according to the Highland News, even emeritus professor of chemistry and science studies at Virginia State University in the USA, Professor Henry H Bauer was caught out.

The spoof story cited plans for a new floating sea plane terminal on Loch Ness designed by Italian designer, Rolf Lapio and objections from a pressure group called “Flights Off Our Loch”. The people taken in by it all failed to notice it was April the first and that Rolf Lapio is an anagram of “April Fool”. Also the pressure groups initials read FOOL.

All good fun but Professor Kettle spoke of his concerns from his Loch Ness project. He said, “I can see the humour here but serious research into the cryptozoology of this loch continues and we cannot be sidetracked from our search for the world’s most elusive cryptid”.

Dr Pott remarked that he was concerned that the public might take Nessie as a joke. “The monster is real and we are getting close to final proof”.

by Mikko on Tue 06 Apr 2010 13:16 BST

The Loch Ness Monster is once again in peril as the failed hydro electric plant at Glendoe is to be repaired. It’s Europe’s largest power generating system of its kind (water is pumped in tunnels buried deep underground to take water from a reservoir in the Monadliath mountains to massive turbines by Loch Ness and back again).

The queen officially opened the scheme last year but it suffered a catastrophic failure just a few weeks later when a massive rockfall blocked the subterranean tunnel. It’s been closed ever since but now two more by-pass tunnels are to be dug and it may restart operations next year.

Professor Kettle, speaking from his Loch Ness project, said “we are very concerned. Both the massive drilling machine and the huge turbines make a humming sound and vibrations that may affect our elusive cryptid in the loch. We will be monitoring the situation very closely. Nessie is protected by an official Act of Parliament and must be protected”.

by Mikko on Mon 05 Apr 2010 19:40 BST

Nessie, The Loch Ness Monster is as excited as the rest of the country as Britain prepares for a general election – likely to be called by the Prime Minister when he goes to Buckingham palace to ask the queen to dissolve parliament tomorrow. That would mean that Nessie is likely to be seen on 6th May as she makes her way to the local ballot box in Drumnadrochit to cast her vote.

Nessie’s voting intentions are not known but at least this time she will not be humiliated by the Publican Party who were set up by a bunch of pub landlords angry at the cigarette smoking ban in Scotland. They got a local Nessie emporium to let them trundle a large model of our beloved cryptid around the locality – with a huge cigarette hanging out of her mouth. What a disgrace that was.

We’ll have to wait and see who wins the election but whoever it is, life will only get harder for us all here as the government takes our cash to give it to the millionaire bankers. They need ever bigger bonuses for the great work they do wrecking our economy.

by Mikko on Sat 03 Apr 2010 09:53 BST

Well, you’ve taken the plunge and decided to visit Loch Ness to see its monster, Nessie…. What’s worth doing and what isn’t?

I definitely don’t recommend going to either of the Loch Ness exhibitions in the village. If you really feel you must then I’d suggest opting for Nessieland (formerly called “The Original” Loch Ness exhibition). Make sure you have the correct one, it’s on the road to Beauly and Cannich NOT on the A82.

The other exhibition seems to have several names ranging between Loch Ness 2000 and The Loch Ness Exhibition. It’s on the A82 on the right as you arrive in the village from Inverness. I don’t recommend it because it seems only to want to seek to prove that Nessie is a myth and that she doesn’t exist. On the other hand if you only want to know about a few worms that live in the muck at the bottom of the loch and the mutterings of a formally unqualified naturalist on the matter, then this is possibly the right place for you.

Urquhart Castle: it’s a shame they were allowed to build the visitor centre where it is but now that it’s there it has an informative and well presented exhibition and you can get some lovely photos of the loch and the castle. The water by the castle is the deepest part of Loch Ness and the monster is seen there more than anywhere else!

For boat cruises we suggest a visit to Fort Augustus at the west end of Loch Ness.