cryptoozology - The Officially Original Loch Ness Monster Blog

World Leading Discovery of Oxygen-Generating Lifeforms under Loch Ness

Professor Plume’s world leading research has uncovered unique lifeforms at the bottom of Loch Ness that generate oxygen. These microorganisms at depths over 200 meters could revolutionize our understanding of deep-water ecosystems and their role in oxygen production.

Plume’s study explores the biodiversity of Loch Ness, focusing on the profundal zone. This has been relatively unexplored due to its depth and challenging conditions.

Using advanced holographic imaging technology, Professor Plume and his team collected samples from various depths. The samples were analyzed for microbial activity and oxygen production.

The research identified several species of microorganisms capable of photosynthesis at these depths and generated significant amounts of oxygen. These findings suggest that deep-water ecosystems may play a more crucial role in global oxygen production than previously thought.

The discovery challenges existing theories about oxygen production (so called “dark oygen”) in freshwater systems and highlights the importance of protecting these unique ecosystems. Further research is needed to understand the full impact of these lifeforms on the environment.

Speaking exclusively to the Loch Ness Free Press, Professor Plume said, “Loch Ness is clearly a place of gaesous production of Dark Oxygen through a process similar to methane generation and the hydrothermal vents my leading team discovered in our Loch Ness research project and probe of the water body’s bottom in early 2024.”

Professor Plume’s research opens new avenues for studying deep-water ecosystems in Loch Ness and other deep water lakes and their contributions to Earth’s oxygen cycle. This discovery highlights the need for continued exploration and conservation of deep freshwater habitats.

Plume added, “If there is a large amount of Dark Oxygen being produced here, it could help explain how unknown creatures such as Nessie, the famous Loch Ness Monster, could survive for long periods without surfacing.

“There are plenty of food sources the murky depths and oxygen completes the circle of what is needed to support life”.

Nice new photo of Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster?

There is a nice new photo in today’s Daily Mail of a possible Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster. Resident expert Professor Kettle isn’t sure though: “It does look very much like a boat wake. The weird standing waves and undersea currents in Loch Ness often cause things that look strange to folk who come across them for the first time.”

However, dedicated monster hunter Mikko, of Nessie on the Net! and the Loch Ness Live Cams said, “it is clearly a creature swimming just below the surface of the loch. I’ve seen this time and again and it adds to the irrefutable proof that a cryptid (unidentified cryptozoological beast) is living in Loch Ness.”

Tell us what you think of the photos, you can see them in today’s Daily Mail newspaper.

The Real Loch Ness Monsters – Fort Augustus Abbey

Over twenty possible victims of the Fort Augustus Abbey and Carlekemp School sexual abuse scandals have been identified by police as they research terrible details of what looks like the story of the Real Monsters of Loch Ness.

There is more about this in the Inverness Courier. Specialist police teams are investigation allegations of sex abuse by some monks dating back to the 1970s.

Pogonophobiacs Warned to Steer Clear of Loch Ness

Bearded Loch Ness Researchers — Bearded hunter warning

The BBC’s Jeremy Paxman has identified pogonophobia as a cause for concern and Loch Ness is reeling as the area is well known to be full of sad and vain bearded old men.

Clean shaven Professor Kettle spoke to us from his Loch Ness project HQ and warned visitors who suffer from pogonophobia (the fear of beards) to keep away or risk feeling queasy. “We seem to buck the UK trend when it comes to facial hair. Fortunately the women generally steer clear of beards around the loch but many monster specimens of the male denomination do exist. Some extreme examples are quite wild and unwieldy and could put an unwary tourist right off their tea. Our research reinforces the view that Neanderthal Man lived in peat bogs around Loch Ness and possibly still does.”

Dr. Pott added, “Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster, is thought to be beardless and it’s heartening that the next generation have pretty much put beards to one side in favour of more sensible things like getting themselves an education. Cryptozoologists get a bad press, often because they aren’t formally qualified and cryptozoology deserves better”.

Amazon Pacu – flesh eating fish the real Loch Ness Monster?

In a worrying new development, Amazon Pacu ball chomping fish have been attacking swimmers off the coast of Sweden and are now feared to be heading for Loch Ness.

The critters are cousins of piranhas and can grow large: 90 centimetres long and weighing up to 25 kgs. They are nicknamed “ball cutter” for frequent attacks on the male genitalia.

Speaking exclusively to us, eminent Professor Kettle said, “obviously my Loch Ness research project is now closely monitoring the situation and we’d advise everyone not to totally panic – but do take extra care to always wear full body swimsuits in Loch Ness and be on the look out for these fish. We want to hear from anyone who encounters them or sees suspicious activity via our sister resource site, Nessie on the Net. Please email me at Loch Ness HQ.”

Another long established and world famous Loch Ness researcher, Dr. Pott added, “needless to say, the fish have apparently made the enormous journey from the Amazon to Sweden. It’s only a comparatively short hop for them into the very hospitable nutrient and food rich waters of Loch Ness.”

Speaking about the Swedish incidents, an expert for the Danish Museum told the UK’s Daily Telegraph newspaper “The pacu is not normally dangerous to people but it has quite a serious bite, there have been incidents in other countries, such as Papua New Guinea where some men have had their testicles bitten off.”

There is more on the terrifying fish that are rampaging Sweden in the Daily Telegraph newspaper. How will cryptid Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster, cope with this latest amazing phenomena? Our world leading cryptozoologists and experts will keep you posted as events unfold on the ground and in the deep and murky water.

Fort Augustus Abbey School – The Real Loch Ness Monsters

Fort Augustus is reeling from news that it may be the unofficial “dirty old man” capital of the UK. Staggering accounts of the most serious child abuse allegedly committed over many years by Catholic clerics based at the school. This is a real and developing Loch Ness monster story that is far more horrifying than Nessie and has cast a terrible shadow.

“A BBC programme broadcast last week uncovered evidence of physical and sexual abuse at Fort Augustus Abbey School.

Police – who began investigating allegations of abuse last March – said they were liaising with law enforcement agencies in the UK and beyond.”

Read more about this appalling story which seems to get worse with each passing day. There is a lot more to come as the church and police look back at records and files relating to allegations of abuse over the past 50 years. A promise has been given to publish details of these next year.

The BBC also broadcast a programme about this called: “Sins of the Fathers”.

Loch Ness Monster, Nessie, Religion’s Friend: Pastafarianism goes official

Yup folks. Belief in The Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster has gone totally official as a Czech court upholds its followers’ religious rights to wear a salad strainer on their heads as an article of faith.

For more click here

and here.

40 mph traffic jams as Highlands main road is attacked

The Scottish Government, never known to be a friend of the Highlands which it regards as a milch cow to be built over by wind turbines and mega pylons is now seeking to make life for residents and visitors even worse.

A 40mph speed limit will see the journey time from Edinburgh to Inverness rise to almost four hours as motorists cannot escape the combination of average speed cameras & rolling convoys of protesting juggernauts and tractors.

Professor Kettle, speaking to us exclusively from his Loch Ness side reasearch project head quarters says, “this is a disaster. We monster hunters need this like a hole in the head”.

You can read more on this shocking story here.

Loch Ness Monster village: Drumnadrochit’s civil war flames on

The truth really can be stranger than fiction. Open warfare seems to have broken out between villagers over the existence or otherwise of Nessie, The Loch Ness Monster. Oliver Cromwell & Rob Roy had nothing on all this!

The Inverness Courier and other newspapers have been reporting on the hostilities. Maybe it’s time for the Blue Berets of The United Nations Peace Keeping Force to move onto the village green!

Do you visit Loch Ness to look for our monster or do you really really want to travel here to see old museums about mud, mini eels and pseudo scientific research into how your eye might “interpret” a floating gate post?

To us it’s a no brainer, so rock on the incomparable “Nessieland” on the Beauly turn off in Drumnadrochit.