A hair brained scheme to repair the Kessock Bridge, which links Inverness to the Black Isle across the Moray Firth, has resulted in short journeys taking hours rather than minutes.
Traffic lights have been strung up like confetti around the bridge and are totally out of phase with the rest of the city (in fact, all the traffic lights in Inverness are a mess).
The Highlands of Scotland Tourist Board was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press but there are real fears that visitors to see Nessie, the Loch Ness monster, will be affected.
“These traffic lights are a disgrace and will harm my Loch Ness research project” said Professor Kettle. “We want the Kessock Bridge replaced with a tunnel because that is the best way to ensure the Loch Ness Monster is not disturbed. Nessie is a protected species and this is just not good enough”.