Highlands - The Officially Original Loch Ness Monster Blog

We Salute The Decades Of Service By Brutalist Public Conveniences That Graced Loch Ness

These were happier times before global catastrophes and woe filled the news everyday. Drumnadrochit was a siple little village with simple pleasures like hunting for Nessie, a pastime enjoyed by many locals and visitors alike.

Of course lengthy monster hunting meant that a state-of-the-art public convenience (WC or toilet) was required and so an award winning brutalist masterpiece was created that rivalled the old supermarket. You can see the attention to detail and the careful maintenance that kept this cherished building flush with success for so long.

Award winning Brutalist loos serviced the area for years.

Sometimes queues of people formed between the loo and the bus stop as people were eager to try out its comfy environs. But alas, eventually it’s time passed and the thunder box was demolished with a small ceremony but lives on in village folklore. It was a Loch Ness Monster, worthy of the name.

Ancient Virus Fears At Loch Ness

The race is on to try and DNA map newly emerged ancient viral strains from bottom coring at Loch Ness.

“I have been worried that vigorous coring and reaming of the loch’s bottom could provide a route for viral agents that have long since disappeared from earth’s biosphere to resurface”, Professor Kettle told this blog. “If we can’t identify and neutralise these things then Covid 19 Coronavirus might look like a walk in the park”.

Some of the mutations discovered have now been taken to the US Centre for Extreme Toxins, close to the site of the Manhattan Project. Here they will be sealed into a glass and concrete bio containment lad 400 metres beneath the desert. Robot analysers will be used to identify and index the viruses. If a leak occurs, these mutations are considered so dangerous that a small nuclear weapon will detonate, completely destroying the laboratory and its contents. Safety is now the number one priority after Covid and Ebola have wreaked so much havoc.

“We’re taking every precaution as some of the life forms beneath Loch Ness have proved very dangerous”.

Similar research is going on in Tibetan glaciers – another link to Loch Ness, which was itself formed by a mile thick glacier during the last ice age.

US Sheriff speaks about manhunt for fugitive Loch Ness monster rapist

The United States Sheriff who headed up the initial search and subsequent manhunt for fugitive Kim Vincent aka Kim Gordon aka Kim Avis (and as Kem instead of Kim) said justice has finally been served. A jury in Glasgow High Court found the former Inverness street peddler and Loch Ness charity swimmer guilty of 14 counts of rape against women and young girls. He’ll be sentenced on 11th June.

After he went on the run by faking his own death at a beach in Monterey, USA, sex fiend Vincent was hunted down and captured by US Marshalls. He was extradited back to Scotland for trial. His crimes stand out as some of the most numerous and foul committed in Inverness, Scotlland.

Incredibly, when the caged beast first applied for a street traders licence to peddle nic-nacs on the local High Street, a meeting to grant his trader’s licence in 2008 was held at Highland Council. Inverness councillors described Avis, born in Newmarket, Suffolk, as a “city institution”. One added there was “no finer ambassador for the city”.

Inverness Busker Up In Court For Multiple Alleged Rapes

Now he is appearing before the High Court in Glasgow and a jury is considering the evidence.

Kim Avis or Kem Vincent (he appears to have many aliases) is a former street busker and peddler who frequented the Inverness High Street. He is alleged to have raped several women and an attempted rape of a 12 year old girl. He is additionally charged with sexually assaulting an 11 year old girl. He initially fled Scotland as a fugitive to the USA where the US Marshalls hunted him down and returned him to jail (on remand) in Glasgow.

Early evidence from one woman at the trial included her description of how he is alleged to have forced her to watch in a mirror as he raped her. The trial continues.

Kim Avis trial: Accused reportedly “in trance” during alleged sex attack in static caravan, near to Inverness, High Court hears

Kim Avis was said to have pounced after the pair had been at a car boot sale near Inverness in May 2016.

The 57-year-old later apparently claimed he knew he had “done wrong”.

The Hum – SSE power told to fix it

It’s the scourge of The Highlands and blights Loch Ness.

There are even fears that it may have killed Nessie or driven her away.

Known as The Hum, it is a low frequency dull buzzing sound that some people hear or “feel” and it is thought to be generated by electrical generators in wind farms, hydro electric turbines and sub stations.

Clan Chief Lord Lovat complained that he is sometimes unable to sleep due to a ringing in his ears and said, “If people don’t take it seriously the next you know is SSE will be building a station next to your house, it will create a noise and they will get away with it. It’s in the public interest to hold their feet to the fire and everyone is protected by the rules that they are not adhering to.”

A local community councillor said, “If people don’t take it seriously the next you know is SSE will be building a station next to your house, it will create a noise and they will get away with it. It’s in the public interest to hold their feet to the fire and everyone is protected by the rules that they are not adhering to.”

Other locals are worried The Hum may be causing tinnitus.

You can read more or this devastating threat to public health here.

Nessie back in Covid 19 Lockdown

The Scottish government has ordered all of mainland Scotland back into full lockdown and the borders are closed. No one is permitted to be out of their homes for anything but a few reasons including buying groceries and essential medical appointments.

Obviously this leads to a quiet time for the Loch Ness Monster. She had been keeping a lower profile lately and will definitely not want to place herself at risk of catching any flu type virus.

Leader of The Loch Ness Research Project, Professor Kettle, spoke of his concerns: “I have been looking for cryptid in this loch for fifty years and this is probably the scariest set of circumstances the area has ever faced. People must keep away from the water and protect our monster from infection”.

The Scottish Environmental Protection Agency was unavailable for comment at time of publication.

Loch Ness Live Cam is back in full operation – streaming to you!

We are delighted to inform everyone that the Officially Original Loch Ness Monster Nessie Live Cam is back and streaming live. Due to Covid19 we suffered considerable disruption and are thankful for all your messages of support. We have had a limited service for awhile but now repairs have been finished, so please: Enjoy hunting for Nessie and viewing the sheep in the paddock!

A little something to take your mind off the virus.

Blue-green algae threatens Loch Ness

Like something out of a horror movie, new blue-green algae blooms have been found in and around Loch Ness and warnings issued. Iridescent and beautiful, the blue-green algae is able to produce toxins that are linked to illness, or even death, in humans and animals.

Anyone coming across the blooms of cyanobacteria should flee at once and be extra vigilant.

The killer algae is invading the United States with emergencies being declared in more and more areas.

Inverness Man Accused of Multiple Rapes Denied Bail

Scots rape suspect who allegedly failed to appear for trial after being ‘swept out to sea’ while “on holiday in the United States” loses bail bid in Scotland after he was captured by US Marshals. More in The Sun.

Inverness Pipe Dreams

While the reality of life in Inverness is a shattered town with shops, cafes and restaurants all boarded up, the Highland Council is saying it could spend £zillions it hasn’t got building unicorn bridges, railway stations and transport hubs.

It’s official folks: They are bonkers.