The race is on to try and DNA map newly emerged ancient viral strains from bottom coring at Loch Ness.
“I have been worried that vigorous coring and reaming of the loch’s bottom could provide a route for viral agents that have long since disappeared from earth’s biosphere to resurface”, Professor Kettle told this blog. “If we can’t identify and neutralise these things then Covid 19 Coronavirus might look like a walk in the park”.
Some of the mutations discovered have now been taken to the US Centre for Extreme Toxins, close to the site of the Manhattan Project. Here they will be sealed into a glass and concrete bio containment lad 400 metres beneath the desert. Robot analysers will be used to identify and index the viruses. If a leak occurs, these mutations are considered so dangerous that a small nuclear weapon will detonate, completely destroying the laboratory and its contents. Safety is now the number one priority after Covid and Ebola have wreaked so much havoc.
“We’re taking every precaution as some of the life forms beneath Loch Ness have proved very dangerous”.
The terrifying slime is killing water bodies around the world and can paralyse or even kill swimmers. Now traces of it have been discovered on shorelines around Loch Ness.
Speaking exclusively to this blog, a concerned local has hit out at what he describes as “the mother of all cover-ups”. He said, “I approached various agencies concerned with the loch and they all warned me off. One told me that I was “a dangerous nutter” and another said, “beware of dark forces, pal.”
However, the local man said he would continue to pursue this new Loch Ness Monster and vowed, “I won’t keep quiet until highly qualified academics like Professor Kettle investigate and report. If there is something that could cause harm then it needs to be out in the open”.
Visitors to Loch Ness have been warned not to put Nessie’s life in danger by throwing their old Covid19 face masks into the water.
Unbelievably, every year a large number of tourists dump millions of tonnes of rubbish and human waste all around and into the once pristine waters. Now Loch Ness Research Project Coordinator, Umor Raarbish has gone on the offensive: “We’ve put hidden surveillance equipment at all main areas frequented by visitors and we can monitor their littering in real time”
“Fines of up to £20,000 can be levied against any tourist who makes a mess and our message is simple: “we want your business but not a bad attitude so take your mess with you”.
Professor Kettle, who runs the scientific investigation into the Loch Ness Monster has previously warned about the dangers of avian flu killing Nessie. Dinosaurs are related to birds and Covid is another flu-like virus that puts the multi million year old plesiosaur in grave danger.
The Highlands of Scotland Tourist Board was unavailable at time of going to press.
A fleet of state-of-the-art micro submarines has been plying the dark waters of Loch Ness in a scientific quest to capture DNA and other fragments from the aquatic plesiosaur.
Speaking exclusively to this Blog, Professor Theo Vindelwagen of the California Institute of Marine Supply Conservation said, “we are using laser RADAR submarines that are controlled by a Mother Ship on the surface of the loch. The early images are incredible – several plesiosaur shapes can be seen in submarine “herds” feeding at the bottom of the deepest areas. That’s new and proves that we have many monsters in this unique body of water”.
“Some of your readers may be familiar with the famous submarine that belongs to the British Antarctic Survey, “Boaty Mc. Boat Face”. Our drone subs are technologically superior and we have 35 units now roaming Loch Ness.”
The survey is expected to take a few more days and we look forward to publishing the results as they are created by the AI code. You can watch progress of expeditions via our Loch Ness live stream.
The United States Sheriff who headed up the initial search and subsequent manhunt for fugitive Kim Vincent aka Kim Gordon aka Kim Avis (and as Kem instead of Kim) said justice has finally been served. A jury in Glasgow High Court found the former Inverness street peddler and Loch Ness charity swimmer guilty of 14 counts of rape against women and young girls. He’ll be sentenced on 11th June.
After he went on the run by faking his own death at a beach in Monterey, USA, sex fiend Vincent was hunted down and captured by US Marshalls. He was extradited back to Scotland for trial. His crimes stand out as some of the most numerous and foul committed in Inverness, Scotlland.
Incredibly, when the caged beast first applied for a street traders licence to peddle nic-nacs on the local High Street, a meeting to grant his trader’s licence in 2008 was held at Highland Council. Inverness councillors described Avis, born in Newmarket, Suffolk, as a “city institution”. One added there was “no finer ambassador for the city”.
Now he is appearing before the High Court in Glasgow and a jury is considering the evidence.
Kim Avis or Kem Vincent (he appears to have many aliases) is a former street busker and peddler who frequented the Inverness High Street. He is alleged to have raped several women and an attempted rape of a 12 year old girl. He is additionally charged with sexually assaulting an 11 year old girl. He initially fled Scotland as a fugitive to the USA where the US Marshalls hunted him down and returned him to jail (on remand) in Glasgow.
Early evidence from one woman at the trial included her description of how he is alleged to have forced her to watch in a mirror as he raped her. The trial continues.
Inverness busker Kim Avis (aka Kim Vincent aka Kim Gordon) is accused of raping three women, attempting to rape a young girl and sexually assaulting another young girl, breach of the peace and threatening and abusive behaviour. He also allegedly skipped bail to go on the run as a fugitive in the USA and was eventually hunted down and cornered by US Marshals. He denies all charges.
Mr. Avis has been held on remand in prison in Glasgow and is now listed to appear to face the High Court in early April 2021.
The Scottish government has ordered all of mainland Scotland back into full lockdown and the borders are closed. No one is permitted to be out of their homes for anything but a few reasons including buying groceries and essential medical appointments.
Obviously this leads to a quiet time for the Loch Ness Monster. She had been keeping a lower profile lately and will definitely not want to place herself at risk of catching any flu type virus.
Leader of The Loch Ness Research Project, Professor Kettle, spoke of his concerns: “I have been looking for cryptid in this loch for fifty years and this is probably the scariest set of circumstances the area has ever faced. People must keep away from the water and protect our monster from infection”.
The Scottish Environmental Protection Agency was unavailable for comment at time of publication.