Incredible groundbreaking research into tiny obelisk shaped objects inside the human mouth and gut may have been given a crucial boost by Professor Kettle’s Loch Ness research project.
Human Obelisk Cells in Loch Ness
“We have been investigating prehistoric life forms and monsters in Loch Ness for decades, including the once unknown sulphur vent bottom feeders that live in Edwards Caves far beneath the waves.”
“When I read about this fascinating discovery of very ancient obelisk cells in all of us, it suddenly dawned on me that our loch is a scientific link to the origins of life. We are starting a new quest to track down equivalent cells in our water samples and will produce a detailed report as soon as possible”
“Drones, and a hydrophone were going to be used in our attempt to find Nessie this weekend”, Professor Kettle told this Blog. “Unfortunately the weather has been appalling with fog and mist reducing visibility to a few yards and the amount of rain has completely wrecked our world-leading hydrophone deployment”
Professor Kettle was intending to use this weekend as the latest large scale scientific quest to find Nessie but the world famous crytozoological creature does, for now, remain as elusive as ever.
The UK has been hit by a virulent strain of Avian (bird) flu and the government has ordered all chickens and turkeys to be locked indoors and massive numbers slaughtered to control the pandemic.
Loch Ness Monster Virus Fears
Piles of dead sea birds like gannets lie on Scottish beaches and now Dr. Pott of the Loch Ness Scientific Research Project has warned tourists to stop throwing dead chicken carcasses into Loch Ness. “Even a carton that had chicken nuggets or a sandwich wrapper could carry viruses that kill birds and raptor-related creatures like Nessie, The Loch Ness Monster”.
It is the news many locals have been dreading ever since the supermarket moved to new premises – the beautiful 1960s building it used to occupy has been dubbed “an eyesore” and will now be demolished.
A spokesperson for The Silent Majority said, “we’re gutted. This old shop has been a real focal point in the village and attracted architectural students from around the world. We even had an offer to Twin it with some fortified military bunkers in The Lebanon, which share a lot of its style and features. Now it’s going to be pulled down in scenes reminiscent of the old village public toilet that was cruelly demolished without ceremony and is now all but forgotten.”
Many Loch Ness Research projects and expeditions have used the fish and chip shop that was also located in the much loved monstrous carbuncle and all of that history will now be lost as well. Professor Kettle said, “it’s just so sad. This building oozes history and it’s loss will be felt right across the Loch Ness and cryptozoological community. I had hoped that a rich investor would step in and save the building but that now looks unlikely”.
Loch Ness Beauty
A local chief said, “we have some plans to make a permanent photographic exhibition of the old shop in the new village car park but it’s all in the early stages at the moment and we would have previously sought funding from The Highlands of Scotland Tourist Board (HOST) but they’ve got their own problems now”.
There have been rumours that a lottery is to be held with top prize consisting of the right to press the button on the charges used to raze the carbuncle to the ground. “It’s in the cards but there is still a lot of disagreement about if it’s appropriate and who would get the charity money. One idea is to award it to The Bewildered Trust For Confused Marine Animals or to the UN Yeti Relief Fund (UNYRF).
It is the news many locals have been dreading ever since the supermarket moved to new premises – the beautiful 1960s building it used to occupy has been dubbed “an eyesore” and will now be demolished.
A spokesperson for The Silent Majority said, “we’re gutted. This old shop has been a real focal point in the village and attracted architectural students from around the world. We even had an offer to Twin it with some fortified military bunkers in The Lebanon, which share a lot of its style and features. Now it’s going to be pulled down in scenes reminiscent of the old village public toilet that was cruelly demolished without ceremony and is now all but forgotten.”
Many Loch Ness Research projects and expeditions have used the fish and chip shop that was also located in the much loved monstrous carbuncle and all of that history will now be lost as well. Professor Kettle said, “it’s just so sad. This building oozes history and it’s loss will be felt right across the Loch Ness and cryptozoological community. I had hoped that a rich investor would step in and save the building but that now looks unlikely”.
Loch Ness Beauty
A local chief said, “we have some plans to make a permanent photographic exhibition of the old shop in the new village car park but it’s all in the early stages at the moment and we would have previously sought funding from The Highlands of Scotland Tourist Board (HOST) but they’ve got their own problems now”.
There have been rumours that a lottery is to be held with top prize consisting of the right to press the button on the charges used to raze the carbuncle to the ground. “It’s in the cards but there is still a lot of disagreement about if it’s appropriate and who would get the charity money. One idea is to award it to The Bewildered Trust For Confused Marine Animals or to the UN Yeti Relief Fund (UNYRF).
In scenes from an apocalyptic movie, Scotland’s Capital of the Highlands, Inverness, is now a ghost city. Hardly any people are to be seen. Shops are boarded up and if a man was pulling a cart up the High Street yelling “bring out your dead” was working, it would be like the Great Plague of the 17th century.
Restaurants, takeaways, pubs, theatres, social venues, public gardens – just about everything is closed and tourists, visitors and locals are being told to stay away and stay at home.
“It’s a disaster for the Loch Ness Research Project for Internet Anomalies“, Professor Kettle told this paper. “We are doing what we can from self-isolation on our carbon fibre floating hub on Loch Ness but we have been told we must stay anchored well away from the land and have supplies sent to us by boat with social distancing maintained at all times. Obviously, if Nessie became infected then this pandemic could become much worse as the interaction of a novel virus with a Jurassic creature could cause unknown mutations”.
Locals are beginning to fear that novel coronavirus (COVID19) may have infected Nessie and possibly killed the creature(s). No credible sightings of the monster have been made since the lock-down of Scotland began a month ago.
“We know that the Loch Ness Monster is a prehistoric creature and therefore shares DNA with modern birds and animals. In fact, birds are descendants of the dinosaurs and that is why recent outbreaks of Avian Flu have also placed the cryptid at risk”, Professor Kettle – leader of the Loch Ness Investigative Research Project said.
The government has passed laws preventing tourists from visiting the Highlands of Scotland until further notice and all non-essential businesses are closed. All we can do is hope that Nessie is safe and will be seen again soon.
Inverness by Loch Ness starts Coronavirus Testing in Emergency Army Style Horror
Locals and visitors to the areas have been very concerned as “Drive-Thru” Bio-Hazard tents have been erected to test people for the deadly coronavirus COVID-19. Medical staff at Raigmore hospital attend the plague containment units wearing special suits and breathing apparatus.
Loch Ness Corona Virus Horror
A spokesperson for the silent majority said, “we have the Loch Ness Monster – protected in law by the government – so we cannot risk the virus doing more damage. Already people have been panic buying in supermarkets and no hand sanitizer is available, with pasta and toilet paper among other items now is short supply”.
Locals were stunned today as a large mountain rescue helicopter hovered above a Loch Ness mountain and a member of crew winched down to rescue and unidentified individual.
Loch Ness Mission
“I was searching the area for evidence that Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster, had recently traveled through it”, Loch Ness Research Project Leader Professor Kettle said. “Suddenly this helicopter was very close and we realised something very bad had happened”.
It is unclear what took place but the government has never denied local information that the site is regularly used for secret purposes like the Plague Islands that lie off the Hebrides.
Secret Mission Zone
From time to time, strange night lights and radio waves are detectable at this Area51 zone by Loch Ness.
There have been many officially logged UFO reports by locals and visitors to Inveness, Drumnadrochit and Foyers.
The Highlands of Scotland Tourist Board was unavailable for comment.
In a startling public statement, Loch Ness Researchers have concluded that months of painstaking analysis of water from Loch Ness have yielded absolutely no evidence of un-identified DNA.
“We have been looking for deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA) and comparing it against a database of known aquatic life forms in Loch Ness”, Professor Kettle explained to the press.
“Unfortunately we have not been successful but this does not prove that Nessie does not exist.” You can clearly see here in this video from The Nessie On The Net! Loch Ness Live Cams and we will continue the hunt.
Word Exclusive – Two Nessies Captured on Our Loch Ness Live Cams!
