The Officially Original Loch Ness Monster Blog
– insights from Mikko, probably the world's leading cryptozoologist and Nessie expert
A missing tourist, a US-wide manhunt and the story of how a local celebrity became a fugitive after his dark past begins to catch up with him. Now the BBC has a new Podcast about the convicted rapist from Inverness.
Read more in The Press and Journal.
You can listen to the Podcast here: New episode every Friday.
Veteran monster hunter Eoin O’Fagan from Ireland has spotted her. Read all about it in the Scottish Daily Record newspaper.
Incredible groundbreaking research into tiny obelisk shaped objects inside the human mouth and gut may have been given a crucial boost by Professor Kettle’s Loch Ness research project.
“We have been investigating prehistoric life forms and monsters in Loch Ness for decades, including the once unknown sulphur vent bottom feeders that live in Edwards Caves far beneath the waves.”
“When I read about this fascinating discovery of very ancient obelisk cells in all of us, it suddenly dawned on me that our loch is a scientific link to the origins of life. We are starting a new quest to track down equivalent cells in our water samples and will produce a detailed report as soon as possible”
Details of the human obelisks can be found here.
“Drones, and a hydrophone were going to be used in our attempt to find Nessie this weekend”, Professor Kettle told this Blog. “Unfortunately the weather has been appalling with fog and mist reducing visibility to a few yards and the amount of rain has completely wrecked our world-leading hydrophone deployment”
Professor Kettle was intending to use this weekend as the latest large scale scientific quest to find Nessie but the world famous crytozoological creature does, for now, remain as elusive as ever.
The world has held its breath as the USA and other Super Powers edge towards conflict over spy balloons and octagonal shaped UFOs (Unidentified Flying Objects) that were seen over nuclear missile silos and Canada.
In a shock new development locals have reported seeing RAF Vulcan Bomber apparently engage and destroy a possibly red coloured balloon over Loch Ness.
A member of the local silent majority, who did not want to be named told us, “I was sleeping in my favourite chair with Channel 4’s Countdown blaring away on the TV. Suddenly my house shook as a super sonic jet screamed through the sky heading towards the loch. I got my binoculars out and saw a balloon deflated, plummeting towards the water”.
Professor Kettle was also out on his Loch Ness Research Project boat taking hydrophone recordings at the beginning of Nessie’s mating season. He expressed concern that the noise would unsettle the famous monster.
“I really want to protest about jets taking down balloons over Loch Ness. We know there is a problem with tourists launching lanterns over the loch but I am assured by the Highlands of Scotland Tourist Board that they have it under control. We don’t need military action in this scientifically sensitive site.”
The balloon is one of many UFOs seen at Loch Ness every year as it is believed to be part of an energy line including the Bermuda Triangle.
Professor Kettle also pointed out that there are suggestions in the American media that the US air force may have spent $1 million shooting down a toy balloon. “The Northern Illinois Bottlecap Balloon Brigade reports that one of its $12 balloons vanished 11th February. This was about the same time President Biden ordered a jet fighter to shoot down a mystery object over Canada’s Yukon Territory”. (You can read more about this in The New York Post).
The Highlands of Scotland Tourist Board was unavailable for comment at time of going to press.
This is a breaking news story. More soon.
“I’m very concerned that we may experience alien marine microorganisms, plants, algae, or small animals attaching themselves to ships’ hulls navigating through the Caledonian Canal, of which Loch Ness is a major part, from the North Sea or the Atlantic ocean”, Professor Kettle of The
Loch Ness Official Research Programme said.
One of the oldest and most highly respected Nessie monster hunters, Professor Kettle has been maintaining a watching brief on the threats of radiation, Covid, bird flu other toxins that are placing the life of our oldest plesiosaur in great danger. He has promised to continue to analyse core samples.
The UK has been hit by a virulent strain of Avian (bird) flu and the government has ordered all chickens and turkeys to be locked indoors and massive numbers slaughtered to control the pandemic.
Piles of dead sea birds like gannets lie on Scottish beaches and now Dr. Pott of the Loch Ness Scientific Research Project has warned tourists to stop throwing dead chicken carcasses into Loch Ness. “Even a carton that had chicken nuggets or a sandwich wrapper could carry viruses that kill birds and raptor-related creatures like Nessie, The Loch Ness Monster”.
The BBC has reported scientific research that demonstrates the avian flu virus can survive in contaminated water for over a year and reinfect wild creatures. This could be an end-game scenario for areas like the loch and northern Scotland.
You must ACT NOW! Don’t throw food waste, especially dead bird remnants, into Loch Ness or its feeder rivers and canals.
SAVE NESSIE!
The World has gone mad for it as veteran Loch Ness Monster spotter claims to have captured this year’s first registered webcam sighting of the fabled beast.
Hospital clerk Eoin O’Faodhagain (56), from County Donegal in Ireland, captured footage of what he believes was Nessie at 3.26 pm on March 23.
This marks the first great sighting of our resident cryptozoological Loch Ness Monster, Nessie, via our Nessie on The Net Loch Ness LiveCams.
You can read the full story in the Inverness Courier and it’s going global.
Keep believing and and keep hunting for Nessie!
The race is on to try and DNA map newly emerged ancient viral strains from bottom coring at Loch Ness.
“I have been worried that vigorous coring and reaming of the loch’s bottom could provide a route for viral agents that have long since disappeared from earth’s biosphere to resurface”, Professor Kettle told this blog. “If we can’t identify and neutralise these things then Covid 19 Coronavirus might look like a walk in the park”.
Some of the mutations discovered have now been taken to the US Centre for Extreme Toxins, close to the site of the Manhattan Project. Here they will be sealed into a glass and concrete bio containment lad 400 metres beneath the desert. Robot analysers will be used to identify and index the viruses. If a leak occurs, these mutations are considered so dangerous that a small nuclear weapon will detonate, completely destroying the laboratory and its contents. Safety is now the number one priority after Covid and Ebola have wreaked so much havoc.
“We’re taking every precaution as some of the life forms beneath Loch Ness have proved very dangerous”.
Similar research is going on in Tibetan glaciers – another link to Loch Ness, which was itself formed by a mile thick glacier during the last ice age.
The terrifying slime is killing water bodies around the world and can paralyse or even kill swimmers. Now traces of it have been discovered on shorelines around Loch Ness.
Speaking exclusively to this blog, a concerned local has hit out at what he describes as “the mother of all cover-ups”. He said, “I approached various agencies concerned with the loch and they all warned me off. One told me that I was “a dangerous nutter” and another said, “beware of dark forces, pal.”
However, the local man said he would continue to pursue this new Loch Ness Monster and vowed, “I won’t keep quiet until highly qualified academics like Professor Kettle investigate and report. If there is something that could cause harm then it needs to be out in the open”.