The Officially Original Loch Ness Monster Blog
– insights from Mikko, probably the world's leading cryptozoologist and Nessie expert
A missing tourist, a US-wide manhunt and the story of how a local celebrity became a fugitive after his dark past begins to catch up with him. Now the BBC has a new Podcast about the convicted rapist from Inverness.
Read more in The Press and Journal.
You can listen to the Podcast here: New episode every Friday.
Veteran monster hunter Eoin O’Fagan from Ireland has spotted her. Read all about it in the Scottish Daily Record newspaper.
The world has held its breath as the USA and other Super Powers edge towards conflict over spy balloons and octagonal shaped UFOs (Unidentified Flying Objects) that were seen over nuclear missile silos and Canada.
In a shock new development locals have reported seeing RAF Vulcan Bomber apparently engage and destroy a possibly red coloured balloon over Loch Ness.
A member of the local silent majority, who did not want to be named told us, “I was sleeping in my favourite chair with Channel 4’s Countdown blaring away on the TV. Suddenly my house shook as a super sonic jet screamed through the sky heading towards the loch. I got my binoculars out and saw a balloon deflated, plummeting towards the water”.
Professor Kettle was also out on his Loch Ness Research Project boat taking hydrophone recordings at the beginning of Nessie’s mating season. He expressed concern that the noise would unsettle the famous monster.
“I really want to protest about jets taking down balloons over Loch Ness. We know there is a problem with tourists launching lanterns over the loch but I am assured by the Highlands of Scotland Tourist Board that they have it under control. We don’t need military action in this scientifically sensitive site.”
The balloon is one of many UFOs seen at Loch Ness every year as it is believed to be part of an energy line including the Bermuda Triangle.
Professor Kettle also pointed out that there are suggestions in the American media that the US air force may have spent $1 million shooting down a toy balloon. “The Northern Illinois Bottlecap Balloon Brigade reports that one of its $12 balloons vanished 11th February. This was about the same time President Biden ordered a jet fighter to shoot down a mystery object over Canada’s Yukon Territory”. (You can read more about this in The New York Post).
The Highlands of Scotland Tourist Board was unavailable for comment at time of going to press.
Scientists at the UK Health Security Agency (UKHSA) are now probing the Thames estuary for mosquitoes and their larvae in a desperate attempt to thwart the spread of a mutant super-strain of the mosquito borne disease.
Speaking to us from his Loch Ness Research Project, Professor Kettle said, “The real worry for us in the Highlands of Scotland and Loch Ness is that climate change has warmed us up and may bring the pox with it. We have very large mosquitoes and if they cross-breed with our midges, it could be armageddon”.
The Highlands of Scotland Tourist Board was unavailable for comment but has issued a watching brief to the professor. “Malaria was endemic in England until the end of the 1800s and we are also on notice from the world health organisations to be on the look out for deadly West Nile Virus.”
Everyone must take precautions and be constantly aware of the hazards all around us. It is not thought that Nessie is at risk from either virus.
This is a breaking news story. More soon.
“I’m very concerned that we may experience alien marine microorganisms, plants, algae, or small animals attaching themselves to ships’ hulls navigating through the Caledonian Canal, of which Loch Ness is a major part, from the North Sea or the Atlantic ocean”, Professor Kettle of The
Loch Ness Official Research Programme said.
One of the oldest and most highly respected Nessie monster hunters, Professor Kettle has been maintaining a watching brief on the threats of radiation, Covid, bird flu other toxins that are placing the life of our oldest plesiosaur in great danger. He has promised to continue to analyse core samples.
The World has gone mad for it as veteran Loch Ness Monster spotter claims to have captured this year’s first registered webcam sighting of the fabled beast.
Hospital clerk Eoin O’Faodhagain (56), from County Donegal in Ireland, captured footage of what he believes was Nessie at 3.26 pm on March 23.
This marks the first great sighting of our resident cryptozoological Loch Ness Monster, Nessie, via our Nessie on The Net Loch Ness LiveCams.
You can read the full story in the Inverness Courier and it’s going global.
Keep believing and and keep hunting for Nessie!
These were happier times before global catastrophes and woe filled the news everyday. Drumnadrochit was a siple little village with simple pleasures like hunting for Nessie, a pastime enjoyed by many locals and visitors alike.
Of course lengthy monster hunting meant that a state-of-the-art public convenience (WC or toilet) was required and so an award winning brutalist masterpiece was created that rivalled the old supermarket. You can see the attention to detail and the careful maintenance that kept this cherished building flush with success for so long.
Sometimes queues of people formed between the loo and the bus stop as people were eager to try out its comfy environs. But alas, eventually it’s time passed and the thunder box was demolished with a small ceremony but lives on in village folklore. It was a Loch Ness Monster, worthy of the name.
The terrifying slime is killing water bodies around the world and can paralyse or even kill swimmers. Now traces of it have been discovered on shorelines around Loch Ness.
Speaking exclusively to this blog, a concerned local has hit out at what he describes as “the mother of all cover-ups”. He said, “I approached various agencies concerned with the loch and they all warned me off. One told me that I was “a dangerous nutter” and another said, “beware of dark forces, pal.”
However, the local man said he would continue to pursue this new Loch Ness Monster and vowed, “I won’t keep quiet until highly qualified academics like Professor Kettle investigate and report. If there is something that could cause harm then it needs to be out in the open”.
We are delighted to inform everyone that the Officially Original Loch Ness Monster Nessie Live Cam is back and streaming live. Due to Covid19 we suffered considerable disruption and are thankful for all your messages of support. We have had a limited service for awhile but now repairs have been finished, so please: Enjoy hunting for Nessie and viewing the sheep in the paddock!
A little something to take your mind off the virus.
While the reality of life in Inverness is a shattered town with shops, cafes and restaurants all boarded up, the Highland Council is saying it could spend £zillions it hasn’t got building unicorn bridges, railway stations and transport hubs.
It’s official folks: They are bonkers.